Should vs. Want

The other day, a dear friend of mine and I were discussing motivation.  She was helping me understand the difference in should vs. want.  Basically, if we are motivated by what we think or know we should be doing, our motivation will wane pretty quickly.  We really won't make significant changes until we want to.

I had my three month follow up with my bariatric surgeon a couple of weeks ago.  I am doing great health wise.  As far as weight loss, I have lost about 30 lbs. since surgery and 50 lbs. since last year.  the doctor wanted to tweak a few things.  They think I may be snacking too much.  They also think that my 10 hours of water aerobics a week isn't enough exercise.  Because I am teaching, they feel that I may not be getting my heart rate up enough. 

Before the visit, I knew I was in a weight loss stall.  I just wasn't ready to do much about it.  After talking to the doctor, I was in a state of thinking what I should be doing.  It really wasn't appealing to me to give up snacking.  I'm eating so little at meals, that I really want my snacks.  I get hungry and don't make good choices with my meals if I don't snack.  How can my 10 hours of exercise not be enough?  Granted, I know I'm not always working at a hard level, but it's just not fair that I have to do more! 

These were my thoughts all last week during Thanksgiving.  I was definitely in a place where I SHOULD make changes, but I didn't WANT to yet.  I had the week off from work and really was a glutton in my food choices.  (My surgery prevents me from being a glutton in the quantity of the food I eat.) 

All of a sudden this week, I wanted to make changes.  The things I had been railing against seemed easy all of a sudden.  I decided to add some Tae Bo workouts to my schedule.  I love kickboxing and it was easy to find a time to fit in a couple of half hour workouts.  On Wednesday, I decided to take a mile walk.  I usually don't enjoy taking walks, but I called my sister and before I knew it, the mile was over.  I reviewed my snack choices and realized that my snacks had turned into little meals.  Instead I chose to change my afternoon snack to an actual snack and my bedtime snack became a handful of nuts.  What had seemed so hard and painful when I was in a "should" frame of mind became easy and fun when I was in a "want" frame of mind.

I think it's important to be honest and gentle with ourselves.  Obviously we should pay attention to what we should do, especially when it's for our health, but the trick to lasting change is to get to where you WANT to make the changes.

Defining your happy

What do we all really want out of life?  The usual answer is health and happiness, but what does that mean? 

A few years ago, I was trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life.  My kids were getting older and were in school later.  I love my part time job, but should I be working more?  Did I want to keep being primarily a mom or should I develop a career?  In my daily devotional, there was an exercise in imagining your perfect life.  It was probably one of the most important exercises I've done.  I sat down and imagined my perfect life with the career I was considering.  What were the highlights?  What was the impact on my family?  Then I imagined my life with taking care of the family as my primary goal.  What would be the cost to my self-esteem?  I ultimately decided to keep my part time job and focus on family.

Once I realized how important this tool was, I started using it to make all kinds of decisions.  Every couple of months or so, I sit down and let my imagination go wild.  What is my perfect life?  What is my idea of a perfect family, perfect marriage, perfect job? 

How can we move toward what makes us happy if we don't even know what happy looks like for us?  I invite you to go ahead and dream your wildest dreams.  Write them down if that helps you.  Spend some time with yourself and figure out what will make your heart sing and your spirit soar.  From there you can build a roadmap that will get you to your dreams.